Meme Team's Excellent Adventure
by A Toaster Oven
Summary: On a typical day our heroes, Toaster, Memey, Shadow, Mai, Zachariah, and Vamp1re find out a horrific realization that all of their favorite heroes have been nerfed to the ground. But of course, our heroes refuse to give up! They soon launch a plan to attempt and take down the tyrannical Jeff Kaplan. But little do our heroes know that there is an even more diabolical plot in the mis
1. Prologue

Date: September 6, 2017

Locattion: Blizzard Entertainment, Irvine, California

Time: 21:34

"Status Update"? Jeff asked the seventh time in the last 10 minutes. "Everything appears to be going well Jeff, his assistant and long-time buddy Geoff Goodman said (Think the Mr. Smithers of Jeff). "Salt levels are still, going high as nearly thousands of Mercy mains are still arguing about Mercy's changes, and toxic levels have increased by 41%, the fastest that it has grown ever". "Excellent Geoff"! Jeff said, rubbing his hands together in his evil way. No matter how evil Jeff tried to make himself, he always never had that very evil of a voice. "Sonner or later the entire Overwatch full of enough toxicity that we can finally run our army!" He looked out the window of his office (which btw, yet again is supposed to look like Mr. Burn's office, like this)

and looked down on the cars that were driving by. The day was soon to come. It had taken him over a year but the time was finally going to come! "Uhh sir, you didn't let me mention the fact that we do have a problem though. "What?" Jeff said, snapping his head back in a dangerously low tone. Geoff immediately winced a little bit. "W-well sir..there appears to be an anomaly that has sprout up in our system." What anomaly, speak up you fool!" Jeff shouted, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. "I-I..well...there appears to be a certain..group..of players that have started to..well generate positivity with whoever they meet." How..have..we..not..NOTICED THIS?!" Jeff exclaimed, his face starting to turn red with anger and his eyes starting to turn white hot."Well sir, you have to understand that this has generating gradually overtime. But it appears that their positivity rate has started to increase". Jeff stared at Geoff for 5 seconds in silence. Then he dropped him down on the floor, as Geoff gasped for air. "How much loss in toxicity are we looking at"?,Jeff asked, staring out into the window once again. "By November we are looking at nearly 40% loss in toxicity". No no no no NO! This couldn't be happening Jeff thought. More time. All he needed was more time. "Who are these players?" Jeff asked. "Well we have a list of these people. "We got Zachariah-" "Zachariah?" Jeff interrupted. "What a stupid name!" Geoff waited for him to finish his rambling. "Well, as I was saying, Zachariah appears to be a Genji and Widow main. Plays them for absolutely unhealthy amount of time. Then we have AToasterOven, who appears to be a Roadhog and Junkrat main. There's TheMemeyBBT, some midget who plays a ton of D. Va. Then we also have ShadowPanda1, whose only instinct is to insta-lock Mercy. We also have Vamp1re who has...over a hundred hours on Tracer. Finally we have Mai, who seems to also have a ton of time on D. Va as well. "Well then" Jeff said turning to face Geoff, I believe it is now time for extreme measures. Follow me Geoff". Geoff followed Jeff towards the wall of his office where Jeff revealed the key pad that Geoff had never seen before. After pushing the buttons in combination, there revealed a secret passage way. Jeff and Geoff walked though the dark tunnel for some time. "Uhhh sir?" Geoff asked, "Where exactly are we going? This doesn't seem like the regular command center at all." "You're correct Geoff." Jeff answered, "Because no one besides you has even been in this room before." As they finally reached the end of the tunnel, there was a bare room full of nothing but a row of over 50 buttons. Each 2 buttons contained an Overwatch character with either buff or nerf on it (i.e. nerf mercy, buff mercy etc.). "I built this room Geoff on the off-case that I would ever need to make emergency changes. And now, it seems like we will need them now". And with that Jeff pressed buttons: nerf Genji, Widow, Roadhog, D.Va, Mercy, Tracer, and Junkrat. "Now" Jeff said, all we have to do is to wait.


	2. Chapter I

Date: September 7, 2017

Location: Toaster's House South Pasadena, California

Time: 13:45

"For the last time guys, it's TOASTER, not Rick!" Toaster had been on his usual rant about how everyone in his of friends kept calling him Rick instead of Toaster, a name that he kept trying to erase from his past as much as he could, but he knew that it was no good. They would always acknowledge it and just continue on calling him Rick. But at that point he didn't really care enough about it. He had a great group friends to play Overwatch with who respected him for the individual he was. What more could he ask for. He took another sip of his All-Natural Virgils Root Beer for only 2.99 a bottle only at your local Trader Joes, as Shadow had took in a big mouthful of chips. "Oh my goooooood Shadow!" exclaimed Memey. "Why do you chew so looooooud!?" "Cause ima hungry and I wanna snack ya little gremlin,why else?" retorted Shadow. She didn't really MEAN it but felt annoyed nonetheless. As a matter of fact everyone today was a little on edge today.

It was a hot and humid autumn day. The fan was on full blast and the window blinds were shut. And everyone was sweating incredibly large amounts. Ohmygod why is it taking so looong to find a match!!" Zach typed in chat. Suddenly, everyone started bursting into laughter as it was not too uncommon for Zach to misspell something. Quickly, everyone started spamming Zach's sentence into the chat. This was exactly the stuff that Toaster enjoyed the most about hanging out with the gang. It was a place where everyone could get away from the regular madness of of school and life, and be themselves.

But just then everyone's game stared getting a small flashing red border on the bottom of the screen, telling them that a new update was out and to restart the game and let it download. "Thats odd" remarked Vamp1re, I never heard about any major updates on the ptr, what could it possibly be?" "Well, lets find out " said Shadow. "Everyone log out of your game and take a look at the patch notes. We'll all log back in soon." And so everyone quit their game and took a look at the patch notes. Only find the true horrors that awaited inside this update!

A/N: Hey guys, sorry for such a long absence of any updates, I honestly kinda forgot about this story for a little bit. But I have already written up to 8 pages of drafts for this chapter and the next one following it during school. So expect chapter 2 to come out much quicker!


	3. Chapter II

As everyone looked at the patch notes in horror their mouths all dropped at what was in this update.

D.Va:

No longer has mech and is only baby D.Va

Pistol damage increased form 14 to 14.000001

Movement speed increased by 1%

Mercy:

Can only damage boost

Movement speed with Guardian Angel decreased by 90%

Whenever anyone calls for healing, it will come out as earrape for Mercy

Roadhog:

Magazine size increased from 5 to 20

Damage decreased by 80%

Firing speed speed increased by 100%

No longer has hook

Now has a big sign saying "Shoot me for free ult!"

Junkrat:

Only has one mine every 12 seconds

Grenades and mines deal self-damage

Projectile speed decreased by 70%

Genji:

Can longer receive healing from anything besides health packs

Dragonstrike is replaced with a nerf foam bat that deals 3 damage each swing

No longer has shurikens and instead fights with his bare fists

Widowmaker:

Everytime someone picks Widowmaker, their info page will show their address so that people can go and put a fucking bullet in all of the widow mains in the world

Sensitivity is always at max

Headshots only deal 50 damage

Tracer:

Only has one blink that recharges every 30 seconds

When using pulse bomb, it will always stick back on to Tracer, making her a suicide bomber

Pulse pistols damage decreased from 6 to 0.5

No one knew what to say. It was as if the world was crumbling in on itself. It was if time and suddenly stopped and everything around it except the computer screen. And as our heroes came to terms with the events that had just unfolded before their very eyes, the meltdowns began.

Mai threw a temper tantrum that was heard by everyone in the neighborhood. Memey screamed into her pillow until her throat was absolutely scratchy. Shadow cried enough to use 5 tissue boxes. Zach attempted to commit seppuku (and nearly succeeded had it not been for his parents walking in on him). Vamp1re questioned about was the very point of life anymore. And Toaster banged his head against the wall until his head rang in pain.

After that glorious outburst of anger ended, Shadow told everyone to to head onto the #general voice chat. As everyone entered the chat room, their second outburst of anger began. "OMG FRRRRRICK BLIZZZZARD!!!" shouted out Memey. Shadow choked through sobbing, "T-t they took away the only hero that gave me meaning and p-p-purpose in Overwatch!". "Yeah!" Toaster said. "They're blatantly changing heroes how they feel like!" "You know, it seems as though as if there is more to this patch note than meets the eye" Vamp1re suggested. "Like they didn't just want to do this for just for a silly April Fools joke". "Y'know Vamp1re, you just might be on to something." Toaster replied. "We can't just sit here all day and complain all day! We gotta find a way to stop this!" "Exactly! We need to group up together and think of a plan" Memey exclaimed. "Does this mean were gonna finally meet each other in person!? Toaster said, with absolute excitement in his voice. "Omygodomygodomygod it's happening !!!" "Omg Rick chill" said Vamp1re. "It's TOASTER" retorted Toaster. "Okay so how exactly are we going to meet up together? And where?" asked Mai. Need I remind you were still just kids". "Not to worry Mai!" said Shadow with pride. "Me and Memey have just the thing to get you guys!" Just give us your address and we'll be on our way!" "Oh my god yeah Shadow!" said Memey "Were finally gonna use it!" "Umm..Ok" Zach nervously said in chat. So everyone soon gave Memey and Shadow their addresses to find them. "Perfect!" said Memey. "Now you guys sit tight! Were on our way!"

And with that, Memey quickly ran over to Shadow's house. As they went into Shadow's room, they quickly flipped over the secret button that was underneath a poster for some anime(pick an anime Shadow, I don't fuckin know what weebs watch). The wall behind them revealed a secret set of fireman's poles for Memey and Shadow. "Quickly Memey" Shadow exclaimed. "TO THE MEMEMOBLIE." As they slid down their poles their revealed the secret lair; the MEMECAVE. (It's like the batcave from the 1960's Batman show but everything is made of cardboard.)

Memey was quick to accidentally get into her own car. "What are ya doing ya gremlin!?" Shadow asked. "Were going in your clown car, were getting into the Mememobile!" "Oh right" Memey said, feeling a little stupid. They made their way to the Mememoblie!, a replica of the 1960's Batmoblie pictured but with extravagantly painted mainly white and with beautiful streaks of pink and gold. They both climbed into the car, as shadow took the wheel and Memey sat in the passengers seat with a stack of books to let her see above the dashboard. Memey checked out the gauges and reported "Atomic batteries to power...turbines to speed." "Roger ready to move out." Shadow replied. As the engine then started roaring into life, the exhaust port spewed out a bit of fire. Then Shadow stepped on the gas and off they went! They soon came roaring out of the tunnel, the secret opening in the slid open and the Mememoblie drove out onto the street, off to get their friends. "Jeff Kaplan, here we come!"


	4. Chapter III

Location: Blizzard HQ Irvine, CA

Time:12:31

9/7/17

Jeff Kaplan stood at the command bridge, staring into the outside where everyone was working on their terminals.

Geoff then entered the room, with stride full of energy. "I have very good news sir!" Geoff exclaimed. "Due the patch, toxicity has now been increased to 79%! Our mathematicians estimate that the meter will be full by this Monday!"

"Ah, excellent work Geoff" said Jeff with a crooked smile on his face. He couldn't believe it. After all this time, Judgement Day finally coming! All he needed was to lure in some more people and his plan would be set.

"How many have we invited today?" Jeff asked Geoff, not caring to even look beside him at Geoff. "Quite a lot sir. We have about 60 people coming today." "Good" Jeff replied. "I'm sure you know exactly what to do with them." "Of course sir, those suckers won't even know what will hit them!" Geoff replied, feeling evil himself. "Perfect Geoff". They then stood together looking out at the window for a while, down at all the other employees working around the clock for preparations for their plan. Jeff then decided to break the silence. "Y'know Geoff, even now it's still hard to believe that they the day is coming very soon. I have worked in this company for over 15 years, trying to find the perfect toxic game. And we have finally done it with Overwatch!" And with that, Jeff let out a laugh so maniacal that it would put the Joker to shame.

Suddenly there was a loud knocking on the door. "Yes, yes come in" replied Geoff. All of a sudden the Blizzard employee bursted into the room, panting, sweating, and out of breath. "Take a deep breath before you collapse man!" exclaimed Jeff. "Now what is it?" "Sir...w-we received reports from our spies that the group of kids that interfered in your plan have been picking each other up in a car of sorts. We believe that they might be planning some plot against you!" "Really?" said Jeff, blankly and with obviously no interest. "You run down here at over 50 miles an hour just so you can tell me that some kids are plotting to 'kill' me"? "But sir-", "No butts!" interrupted Jeff. "We don't have the time to worry about children, now be gone!" "I-I...yes sir" said the employee, finally accepting defeat. As he jogged on back to the terminals below, Jeff swung his swivel chair back to his view of everyone down below. "I'm not so sure about ignoring that guy sir" Geoff said. "What if these kids actually plan a revolt. Or worse yet what if they uncover our real plan?" "Ah, don't get too worried up Geoff" Jeff responded. "Besides even if they do attempt an attack we can just lead them into the same trap like anyone else. Besides" Jeff remarked with an evil smirk,"Were going to need has much manpower as we can get if our plan is to work."


	5. Chapter IV

Location: Memecave, CA

Date: 9/8/17

Time: 1:40

After Memey and Shadow successfully rounded up all of the gang, they returned back to the Memecave where they managed to get to talk with each other in person (they had to tell Toaster to stop touching them as he was amazed that he had finally met them in person). As a matter of fact, they didn't really talk about Jeff at all in the beginning. Instead they were at first goofing off with each other by playing video games, watching stupid movies, and talking about their lives.

After catching up, they finally got down to business. They all sat around the generic big planning table you see in every movie while everyone sat in their metal fold-out chairs. Shadow and Memey stood at the very end of the table as they were the ones who were to formulate the plan on taking down Jeff. Shadow was the one who would do the briefing. "All right guys, me and Memey came up with our plan while we were on our way to pick you guys up. We've looked over the blueprints of the Blizzard's HQ and decided the best way to breach their defense. To do it, we'll have to first get behind the building during the night. Then we scale up the building until we reach the 32nd floor. If our sources are correct there are the least amount of night guards and workers positioned there." "But how exactly are we going to be able to scale a building of that size?" Vamp1re asked. "With grappling hooks our course!" replied Memey.

She tossed one of the grappling hooks in question into the center of the table for everyone to see. It was similar to that of Batman's grappling hook, except that every part of it was bright, plastic, and all held together with duct tape. It looked very much like it was made from parts of a toy gun or a water pistol. The hook was also replaced with a suction cup dart that was tied tightly to a roll of tough rope. This rope was held in a metal cylinder which was also duct taped to the gun. Toaster picked up the gun and examined it. "So how exactly does this work?". Shadow explained, "It uses high volume air pressure to the shoot the hook up to 275 feet, perfect for what we need to scale the building! The dart also had incredibly strong suction, so don't be afraid about it falling off while your climbing up. That can be yours Toaster. We have made enough grappling hook for everyone else!" Toaster could only reply with one word to describe what he felt: "..cool".

Shadow then continued with her briefing. "After we reach the 32nd floor, we'll bust in though the window. But were going to have to take out the few night guards that are there as quick as we can. Then, we'll take the night guards uniforms and use them as INCONSPICUOUS disguises. Then we'll use the elevator to get up to the top floor, cause that where Jeff will be. And then... WHAM he'll won't even know what had hit them!" "Great idea Shadow!" replied Zach. "I'm with Zach" added Mai. "It's an idea crazy enough to work". "I don't know about you guys but i'm PUMPED for this!" Toaster shouted, very much expressing his enthusiasm for the plan. "Well alright then gang!" Memey responded, "lets get ready to MOVE OUT!"


End file.
